News: Mom Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane

She worries, you know. From The Onion. Mom Just Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane BOISE, ID—Calling to check ...

Best Disney-Star Wars Merger Memes Of The Day

You might have heard that Disney bought out Lucasfilm yesterday. Naturally, the intranetz are all a-titter with clever people making clever ...

News: Police Break Up Cat Party

Late breaking news from the Reykjavik Grapevine. Shit's getting real in Iceland. Police Break Up Cat Party Police in Suðurnes were, fo...

Commercial Of The Day: Mom

This is my life in a nutshell. But the kid always tells, anyway. A born snitch.

11 Celebrity Memoir Flops Of The Day

From The Daily Beast: "Turns out, readers consider Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoir Total Recall expendable. Despite an aggressive pub...

Animated GIF Of The Day

Again. Because I want you to watch it some more. I wish this thing had sound.

Vid Of The Day: Henri 4, L'Haunting

Brilliance. Thanks, Lea-Anne Jackson, for the link.

11 People Who Turned Down Big TV Roles (Of The Day)

Oops. From Mental Floss. PAUL SHAFFER as GEORGE COSTANZA According to Paul Shaffer’s memoir, We’ll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives, Jerry ...

News: I Hope The Guy Who Got Knocked Out By The American Thighs In That Song Is Okay

From The Onion, of course. I Hope The Guy Who Got Knocked Out By The American Thighs In That Song Is Okay  by Janice Weingarten I just he...

News: Fox's New Celebrity Diving Show

I think they should have a different twist every week, like freshwater crocs in the pool or tossing in a toaster just as the celeb hits the ...

Dogs In Star Wars Costumes Of The Day

Pets love costumes. Just look at their faces. From BestWeekEver. Lots more at BestWeekEver.

Halloween Prank Of The Day: Sneeze

I've sneezed that hard before. . .

Meme Of The Day: Business Cat

From Know Your Meme: "Business Cat is a LOLcat image macro series with an Advice Dog spinoff / Memegenerator starburst background. The ...

Quotes From The Delivery Room (Of The Day)

Tales from doctors, midwives, husbands and other people who were there. From this thread on Reddit. My wife during labor: "THIS FUCKER ...

Congratulatory Responses For Various Occasions Of The Day

Another fine set of animated gifs from Lizzer. From Twisted Sifter: "When a citizen of the Internet goes above and beyond, a heartfelt...

Embarrassing Club Photos Of The Day

From the Tumblr blog. . More here.

Nerve's 50 Greatest Female Sex Symbols In Movie History: My Best and Worst Picks

Nerve.com came out last week with a list of the 50 greatest female sex symbols in movie history. Like any list, there are hits and there are...

Halloween Video Of The Day

You knew it was coming. Halloween doesn't start until Jan Terri sings. .

Creepy-Ass Halloween Costumes Of The Day

From Rachel H.Bette Davis guards the pumpkin patchRosemary's baby and his dadWhaddya mean, "not wearing masks"?Walter Matthau,...

Quick Vid of The Day: Collective Soul Cat

Thanks, Crystal H. .

10 Most-Paused Movie Moments Of The Day (NSFW)

From Slashfilm and Elliott Mason.  "A subscription based British movie site called LOVEFiLM (basically a European version of Netflix) t...

Freaky/Cool Jack-O-Lanterns Of The Day

All from Flickr. Cannibal Pumpkin Turtle Pumpkin Darth-O-Lantern Albino Stormtrooper Pumpkin Say "trick or treat" one more time! P...

Vid of The Day: Ricardo Montalban School of Acting

An SCTV classic.

Meme Of The Day: Wrong Lyrics Christina

From KnowYourMeme:   "Wrong Lyrics Christina is an advice animal image macro featuring singer Christina Aguilera with captions of mishe...

Pics Of The Day: Birds With Arms

PHOTOSHOP!WHAT?! I'M HUNGRY!KEYTAR, motherfuckers!More here.

News Of The Day: Florida Governor Gives Phone Sex Number For Meningitis Hotline

"Hello boys, thank you for calling me on my anniversary." From Yahoo News and Jenn Howard. Florida governor gives phone sex number...

Name The Guitarists (Of The Day)

Click pic for larger view. .

Awesome Office Cube Pranks Of The Day

Exercises in passive-aggression because you were on vacation and they weren't. Very funny -- now put it back the way it was, fuckers. ...

Vid Of The Day: Henry Thomas' E.T. Audition

Wow. Now we know why he got the part. .

Unusual Movie End Credits Of The Day

Actual credits from real movies. "Author of A Tale of Two Cities: Charles Dickens" - Airplane! "Worst Boy: Adolf Hitler"...

10 Creepy Abondoned Cities in America (Of The Day)

From Blastr: "Some of these locales have served as creepy backdrops and inspirations for horror films (including Silent Hill), while ot...

News Of The Day: Family Makes Disturbing Discovery on Facebook About Home

BUSTED! From WTVR. Family makes a disturbing discovery on Facebook about their home Oct. 4, 2012 TEGA CAY, SC (WCNC) – A South Carolina ...

Scared People At A Haunted House (Of The Day)

Pics taken at the Nightmare Fear Factory in Niagara Falls, Canada. I wish I knew what they were looking at.   Lots more here.

Creepy Commercial Of The Day

Here's the scariest thing you will see this Halloween. .

Periodic Table Of The Day: Smellements

From Sharing Machine. Link from Molly's Mom. Click for larger view. . .

Clever Pop Culture Halloween Costumes Of The Day

For those of you who still need ideas. From Uproxx. . More here. .

Amusing London Tube Prank Signs

Cheeky monkeys. From this Tumblr blog. . More here. .

Craigslist Ad of the Day: Morrissey Shrine

best of craigslist > portland > Morrissey shrine Date: 2012-09-14, 8:30PM PDT My unemployment benefits ran out and I have to downsiz...

Pathetic Kid Letters Of The Day

From Funny Or Die. . .

Buy My New Book!

Available now. See links below. From Amazon.com: "Back by popular demand, the mind-blowing follow-up to the bestselling 1,001 Facts Tha...

Questionable Tampon Ads Of The Day

Clever or foul? You decide. Some of these have to be fake, like the pool ad that misspelled absorbent, or the hotel room ad, which makes no ...

Cool Classic TV Cars Of The Day

A lineup of famous TV cars. Many of these are from 70s' shows, so you youngun's may not recognize as many as us old folks.A car has...

News Of The Day: Woman Denies Ownership Of Marijuana In Her Genitals

HEY! How'd that get in there?! From Naples News. Deputies: Woman denies ownership of marijuana in genitals, said she was protecting f...

Nostalgic Pics Of The Day: Portland Retro Gaming Expo

Ah, memories of my nerdy youth. Some of this stuff I remember. A lot of it I don't.  From Mental Floss. Lots more photos here. .

News: Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

From The Onion. Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared ShirtBOSTON—The twigs and acorns ...

WTF Comcast? Vol. 2

I still want this job. From WTF Comcast. See Volume 1 here. .

Things You Do In Your 20s That You'll Regret In Your 40s

Good advice from COED magazine. Great advice, actually. Read it and believe it, younguns. Trust me on this. Old timers: what would you add...

Graceful Cat Of The Day

Ouch. Thanks, Bianca Deacon, for the link. .

DIY Pop Culture Halloween Costumes Of The Day

Now is the time to get crackin' on these, kiddies. From Flavorwire (where you can see more of these if you still need ideas). LIZ LEMON ...

Vid: Mom Of The Year

BAM! That'll teach her to run. .

Unforgettable Movie Nude Scenes Of The Day

"Unforgettable" can be a good or bad thing. From EW.com.SHARON STONE - Basic Instinct (1992)It was the leg-crossing heard 'rou...

News Of The Day: Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth F*cking Over Of Customer

From The Onion. Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer CANTON, OH—Overjoyed Cigna executives celebrated the heal...

Clever Ads Of The Day

I dig these cool ads for Vancouver's Science World museum. From Buzzfeed. (Real gold used on billboard) See more here. .

News: Cops Bust Wannabe Batman. Again.

Superzero. From The Smoking Gun. Man In Batman Costume Busted By Cops. Again. OCTOBER 3--A Michigan man who patrols the streets in a Batma...

Can You Believe They Dated? Unlikely Celeb Couples Of The Day

From Fox, who forgot the most bizarre pairing of all: Oprah Winfrey and Roger Ebert, who dated in the 80s. SCOTT BAIO & LIZA MINNELLI Th...

News: Divers Rescue Inflatable Sex Doll From Black Sea

Officials credit her survival to quick-thinking rescuers who immediately administered several rounds of penis-to-mouth resuscitation. From H...

Amusingly Vandalized Signs Of The Day

An updated LOTD classic. .

Problems That Only Busty Girls Have (Of The Day)

This one's for Cyndi, Rachael, Amy, Cloe, Mecca, Gianna, Emmi and the rest of my boobalicious lady friends. From Buzzfeed: "This on...

Rant: It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherf**kers!

From Colin Nissan and McSweeney's. Another fine link from Rachael P. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fu...

Classic Video Of The Day: Real

So you can understand today's t-shirt (sidebar). I love this guy. He cares, dammit! Shame on that woman for laughing at him. .

Bridezilla's Bitchy Bossy Letter To Her Bridesmaids Of The Day

Someone smite this bitch. I'm serious. Her entitled, narcissistic ass needs to be put down for the bad grammar and spelling alone. From...

News: Hope In Students' Eyes Too Much For Screenwriting Teacher To Handle This Week

From The Onion. Hope In Students' Eyes Too Much For Screenwriting Teacher To Handle This Week LOS ANGELES—Spending his Tuesday office ho...

Meme Of The Day: Bad Joke Eel

This might be my favorite meme ever.

The Weirdest Requests On Craigslist Of The Day

Some of these you have seen on LOTD before. Because we kick ass. From FunnyOrDie. See more here. .

September "Found Porn" Roundup

Many thanks to Mama Gretch, Michelle H., Rachael P., David R., Jody L., Terri R. and Bianca D. for another month of fine finds.

Things We Masturbated To Before We Had Access To Porn (Of The Day)

From The Frisky:  "Before the invention of the world wide web, before we even knew porn existed, you best believe we were masturbating....

Great Moments In Reverse Typecasting Of The Day

And a few that weren't so great. By Chip Carter at Moviefone.  SIR ALEC GUINNESS IN STAR WARS   An Academy and Tony Award winner and re...

Best Movie Death Scene Ever (Of The Day)

Dude takes a licking and keeps on ticking. And screaming. Thanks, Tom and Rachael, for the link. .

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Kid's Bracelet

Likely BS but amusing nonetheless. From Supreme Ant Bee. .

News: Restaurant Shut Down After Roadkill Brought Into Kitchen

The fifth paragraph is my favorite. Thanks for the link, Rachael. Restaurant shut down after roadkill brought into kitchen WILLIAMSBURG, Ky....

Celine Dion GIFs Of The Day

I'll probably get sued for this but I know all of you will chip in for my legal defense, right? Hello? Anyone? And one happy fanboy .

News: Danny Bonaduce Bitten On Face By Fan

Good, the slimy lizard. The woman should be the one worried about catching something, not Bonadouchebag. From US Weekly. Actor Danny Bonaduc...

World's Nuttiest Hangover Remedies Of The Day

I've had some bad hangovers in my day, but never bad enough to eat a feckin' fried canary. Refined Guy. LEMON ARMPITS (Puerto Rico) ...

My All-Time Favorite Onion Story Of The Day

From The Onion. If you're too young to get it, bummer.  Thanks, Amy Carey, for the reminder. Christopher Cross Finally Reaches Mexican B...

September Motivational Poster Roundup

A review of last month's Motivational Posters of the Day (MPOTD). I could have sworn there were more. .